I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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