Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
