This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she peed on how many people?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
