It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just had sex on a roof
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
