dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
