first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
