Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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