Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
