oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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