I am in a vortex of obligation.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
