haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
