By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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