Need sex. Gaining weight.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
