I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
