We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dating After Heartbreak
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."