But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.