You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you inspire me to be a worse person
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!