I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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