K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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