I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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