24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
