Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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