if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.