I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
