I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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