the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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