does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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