we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
