It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
