woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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