Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
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She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
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I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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