No, drunk sperm still make babies.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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