we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Randomize