ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
