I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
