yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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