Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
