just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
