um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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