I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
