I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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