There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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