Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
