I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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