FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
