There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
