it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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