So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
