Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
