Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
