Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
