my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
