Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
