My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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