he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
