Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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