ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
