3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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