He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
