oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
