Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
third nipple confirmed
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
