When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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