I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
