If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
