Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
