I wish I only lived at night.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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