Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
