i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
