well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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