sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
