Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
